It’s also my 70th birthday, grandchild’s birthday, ES birthday and my husband’s and my 50th anniversary this upcoming week. We decided the best course of action is to send birthday cards to son and granddaughter, and celebrate our own milestones together. I don’t want it to be a competition for who can be the most entrenched in hurting one another. It wasn’t easy, but we have reached a point where we can wish them well without an expectation of reciprocation. We know we were both loving but very young and imperfect parents and if his lens tells him differently there’s not much we can do about it.
Family estrangement sure puts Lord Tennyson's quote to the test: "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before." I still believe it is true, and certainly worth pondering. Thanks for putting it to words, Roberta.
Thank you for these words. They are so true. It’s exactly how I feel each and every holiday. I have decided to not reach out in any way to my ED of 10 years. It is too painful for me as there is never a reply. I am blocked from all forms of communication with her. I have gotten a few abusive replies from her in the past, which were very hurtful. I just can’t keep trying. I think I will adopt a puppy to give all my love to. Yes, it has nowhere else to go. You are so right! Thank you again for this wonderful article. It made me feel sad and yet better simultaneously. It’s nice to know that another person knows how it feels to be estranged.
Yes, you are not alone. My heart aches for all of us who have to navigate this and live this way. However, I agree with you about puppies! Please read my Substack about Zoe and the Boys. I'll repost it for you! Virtual hugs.
Oh Roberta, you have captured every thought, feeling and question I have before every holiday or other special life event anniversary. I was crying reading what you wrote. It’s so comforting to have someone who knows by their own experience the horrible pain and grief of all estranged parents. It’s like the song by Tauren Wells that says “I’m fully known and loved by you (referring to God).” There is so much comfort in those words and in the knowledge that other Estranged parents are feeling this right along with me. Thank you, Roberta all that you share and your honesty and transparency in your own experiences and struggles. It just helps me not loose hope when I know I’m not alone in this ambiguous loss & grief.
Thank you. I haven't reached out in 18 months. I think I'm more afraid of the of angry hurtful words than I am of never hearing from my son again. We will spend the afternoon with our two other adult children celebrating Father's Day and being grateful for them. Two out of three ain't bad.
YES, my heart goes out to the estranged parents who are estranged from an only child, or those who have lost a child to death and then experience estrangement on top of it. Having an attitude of gratitude can certainly help navigate life in the land of estrangement. Take care of yourself!
Superb, spot on, very helpful. Year 7 for me. Just got through my birthday, and next comes my ES birthday and unknown grandson, age 7. I wonder if he asked his dad who his parents are? He knows his mom's family but our family is cut out.
It’s also my 70th birthday, grandchild’s birthday, ES birthday and my husband’s and my 50th anniversary this upcoming week. We decided the best course of action is to send birthday cards to son and granddaughter, and celebrate our own milestones together. I don’t want it to be a competition for who can be the most entrenched in hurting one another. It wasn’t easy, but we have reached a point where we can wish them well without an expectation of reciprocation. We know we were both loving but very young and imperfect parents and if his lens tells him differently there’s not much we can do about it.
Well, Happy 70th Birthday to you. What a milestone of life!!! Enjoy your day and your upcoming anniversary.
Family estrangement sure puts Lord Tennyson's quote to the test: "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before." I still believe it is true, and certainly worth pondering. Thanks for putting it to words, Roberta.
The struggle is so real. Always grateful for your writing!
Thank you for these words. They are so true. It’s exactly how I feel each and every holiday. I have decided to not reach out in any way to my ED of 10 years. It is too painful for me as there is never a reply. I am blocked from all forms of communication with her. I have gotten a few abusive replies from her in the past, which were very hurtful. I just can’t keep trying. I think I will adopt a puppy to give all my love to. Yes, it has nowhere else to go. You are so right! Thank you again for this wonderful article. It made me feel sad and yet better simultaneously. It’s nice to know that another person knows how it feels to be estranged.
Yes, you are not alone. My heart aches for all of us who have to navigate this and live this way. However, I agree with you about puppies! Please read my Substack about Zoe and the Boys. I'll repost it for you! Virtual hugs.
Thank you very much!!
Oh Roberta, you have captured every thought, feeling and question I have before every holiday or other special life event anniversary. I was crying reading what you wrote. It’s so comforting to have someone who knows by their own experience the horrible pain and grief of all estranged parents. It’s like the song by Tauren Wells that says “I’m fully known and loved by you (referring to God).” There is so much comfort in those words and in the knowledge that other Estranged parents are feeling this right along with me. Thank you, Roberta all that you share and your honesty and transparency in your own experiences and struggles. It just helps me not loose hope when I know I’m not alone in this ambiguous loss & grief.
You are not alone. Our grief needs to be witnessed. I see you. Take care of you!!! 🩷🩷
Thank you. I haven't reached out in 18 months. I think I'm more afraid of the of angry hurtful words than I am of never hearing from my son again. We will spend the afternoon with our two other adult children celebrating Father's Day and being grateful for them. Two out of three ain't bad.
YES, my heart goes out to the estranged parents who are estranged from an only child, or those who have lost a child to death and then experience estrangement on top of it. Having an attitude of gratitude can certainly help navigate life in the land of estrangement. Take care of yourself!
Superb, spot on, very helpful. Year 7 for me. Just got through my birthday, and next comes my ES birthday and unknown grandson, age 7. I wonder if he asked his dad who his parents are? He knows his mom's family but our family is cut out.